Save the Squared Stage

Peanut Butter....Vodka!

2008-08-06T17:19:00.006-04:00

Yes, it's true -- I made peanut butter vodka. When I've mentioned this concoction over the past few weeks, folks have registered their disgust, suspicion, intrigue, and delight. However, following a tasting by four tough critics (a bartender, a vodka martini addict, an individual with a trained palate and a beer-only drinker) and myself, reviews were unanimously, and surprisingly, favorable!

As part of the tasting, the PB vodka was sipped straight and then added to two cocktails. Cocktail #1 had the vodka mixed with Godiva chocolate liquor, Frangelico and Bailey's. Cocktail #2 had the vodka mixed with espresso and chocolate sauce. Cocktail #1 was the clear favorite, as one could clearly taste the PB vodka. It would fit well on any fancy martini menu. Soon I'll be concocting the PB&J tini with the PB vodka and chambord. Details will be noted at a later time.

Lastly, a note of thanks. I couldn't have conceived this breakthrough vodka flavor without the inspiration of Mr. Tini. So, thank you Mr. Tini, thank you.

Project Semi-Cult Runway

2008-07-02T10:49:00.010-04:00

You, too, can dress like a semi-cult member. The women of the Texas "Big Love"-like FLDS compound have started their own business making and selling their traditional clothing. At their online store, be sure to check out the odd sizing -- as in, what does size 14C mean? And they even sell the magic underwear. Fun! I really hope to see regular people on the streets of Philly wearing these ensembles. Snap!

[Pictured to the left is the "Teen Princess Dress" available in several colors. Somehow I think the FLDS version of princess is different than mine...]

Gobbled Dreams

2008-06-25T13:12:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a strange motel and restaurant set in Wisconsin. Built in the shape of a turkey (if viewed from the sky), it was aptly named "The Gobbler." Lore has it that a friend of mine was conceived in one of the rooms (well, that's the story...his parents definitely were Gobbler visitors, but there is no concrete evidence of conception...he likely just doesn't want to think about his own conception).

The Gobbler was a getaway spot of Midwestern dreams. The fine establishment had nooks and crannies like "The Passion Pit", purple rooms with carpeted walls, and a Pepto-colored rotating bar room. Full of faux stone, purple and pink vinyl furniture, plastic chairs, a Brady Bunch-style carport, purple-carpeted bending hallways, circular beds, and even an eye-shaped window, the Gobbler was a truly unique slice of life.

Sadly, the motel and its rooms of love are gone. It was purposely burned by the local fire dept. earlier this century (claiming the fire peeps needed to practice). Apparently people in the 21st century cannot appreciate mid-20th century architecture and beauty.

Words of Rodeo

2008-06-16T23:20:00.003-04:00

No deeper words have ever been practiced by an elementary school student than the words in this photo. It is even stranger that this was written in a New Orleans school, no where near Mexico, New Mexico, Texas or other rodeo-practicing state. I can only hope the student uses these same meaningful words when cursive writing starts.

[This was a real photo taken in New Orleans last month.]

Sitcoms Rule

2008-06-11T14:44:00.004-04:00

A TV tabloid site has chosen the worst sitcoms ever. I find the inclusion of Mr. Belvedere, My Two Dads, Charles in Charge and Double Trouble appalling. These are 80's classics! And don't even get me started on Small Wonder, a TV gem leaving kids everywhere begging their parents for a robotic sibling.

While we are all tired of lists about this or that, I highlight this list simply because the beautiful sitcom seems to be disappearing from current TV lineups. I love sitcoms, but children aren't growing up with great sitcoms anymore. There are no classic sitcoms on TV in 2008 (other than the modern-day cartoon sitcoms like Family Guy). Some may say CBS delivers a few to the airwaves, but really, CBS is just lame.

To add to the list dialogue, below are a few of my least fave sitcoms that the PopCrunch folks neglected to list (in no particular order):

Alf - pure torture delivered by an annoying, furry animal.
Beverly Hillbillies - even for "early days" sitcoms, this is unwatchable!
3rd Rock from the Sun - Aliens plus John Lithgow equals absurdity.
Harry and the Hendersons - Alf failed, why would this be any better? Even more scary is that this show was on for three seasons.
Step by Step - Suzanne Somers jumped the shark with this family crap.
Dharma & Greg - lead characters not interesting enough for a show, with Jenna Elfman annoying everyone.
Ned & Stacey - yet another show with boring characters. Do people really get married for a good apartment?
Three's a Crowd - one of the dumber ideas for a spinoff. Poor Jack Tripper.
Roseanne - yeah, I know some people really dig this show, but Roseanne was annoying and hard to watch. Same with her lug of a husband.

For a full list of sitcoms, visit your pals at Wikipedia (this is an awesome list).

The Real Media Tastes Vodka

2008-05-30T16:29:00.006-04:00

Seems as BusinessWeek has also taken up vodka tasting (it is an admirable hobby). While STSS agrees with some of the results (like Ketel One getting 4 stars), we don't think our cheap fave Finlandia deserves only 2 stars.

For STSS results of our own vodka project, check out our tastings:
- Take Cinco de Mayo - Take 4 - Part Tres - Part Deux - Numero Uno
And more to come soon!

Sadder Than a Trip to Wally World

2008-05-28T15:54:00.008-04:00

We've all seen the images of the post-Katrina New Orleans, but nothing brings the story to life like an empty, left-behind amusement park. I spotted Six Flags New Orleans on the edge of the city just last week, complete with a fenced-off entrance and tall weeds growing almost as high as the sign. It seems that roller coasters and other rides sadly handled the storm better than many area homes and businesses (good to know for amusement park riders for future references; obviously unfortunate for NO dwellers).

Gazing at this abandoned ferris wheel (with the seats still locked on) is sadder than when the Griswolds drove up to a closed Wally World. Now, the park's only visitors are surely just Daphne, Scooby Doo and the gang sifting around at night looking for a strange robot named Charley (see episode "Foul Play at Funland").

[FYI, the sign says "Closed For Storm." And, can't Dan Snyder do any better than this?]

Smells Like Poison

2008-05-23T11:39:00.007-04:00

Yes, Bret Michaels is as greasy and make-upy in person as he is on TV. Just this week, everyone's fave 80s hair-band rocker was at the Cable Show, looking for new "contestants" for his show. Oops, I mean greeting hordes of adoring ladies -- and groping everyone of them (OK, well, maybe it was just deep hugging). I asked my coworker in this picture (I cropped her out with my excellent photo-editing skillz to protect the innocent) if Bret smelled, and she noted that she didn't sniff him. If you look closely, you will see armpit stains, just proving that he just seems like a dude who would be a little un-fresh.

[Thank you, A.S., for waiting in a long line to meet Bret, and sharing the photo.]

For the Love of Larry

2008-05-20T16:06:00.004-04:00

Down here in New Orleans at the Cable Show, I've certainly seen my share of interesting personalities. Among the celebs appearing were Glenn Close, Dan Rather, and some other peeps that are surely nice and accomplished professionals. And then we got down to the real celebs like Larry Flynt, the Kardashians and everyone's fave member of Poison, Bret Michaels! Larry rolls around in the Hustler booth, complete with plastic Hustler babes, in his wheelchair. He may be plastic-free, but his hair is dyed a funky fake color. Maybe one day he'll take it all off in the name of cable tv. We can all dream.

Pizza-r Beer!

2008-05-08T11:59:00.002-04:00

Since I normally post about food and booze it seems, perhaps I've found the food that ties both together. Yes, its Pizza Beer (or as my Long Island friend would say, pizza-r beer), a real product from some dude who wanted to add tomatoes, garlic and basil to everyone's favorite hoppy, yeasty liquid.

While it is only available online or in southern Illinois stores, I just might resist the shipping charges (and calories) to get some in my belly. I'm open to a lot of weird food, but this is perhaps where the line should be drawn.

We Also Heart Bacon Choco!

2008-02-26T23:57:00.004-05:00

It is about time I helped out my Blog Buddy and posted something, so I thought I'd report on a find I found in the Whole Foods near the Franklin Institute in motownphilly ("Boyz 2 Men, ABC, BBD -- the east coast family...") the other day. I'm pretty sure Elle was the first to introduce me to the idea of this before, but this was my first opportunity to experience it firsthand -- bacon infused chocolate.

Had to try it. And hard as it may be to believe, 4 out of 4 Olney residents agree it tastes dreamy. A wonder combo of sweet and salty. And the tender bacon bits (not Bacos, mind you) dance on your toungue with more abandon than David Gregory dancing on the Today Show set.

We Heart Curling

2008-02-26T13:55:00.005-05:00

While you may know my affinity for ice/snow/chilly sports, few may know that I spent many hours watching curling during the 2006 Olympics. I literally was late for work everyday because I was home watching curling (no lie, it was on in the mornings). And Bruiser is also an enthusiast, having actually gone to a curling open practice!

Well, apparently curling will be coming to primetime TV in 2009 via "Rockstar Curling," a new reality show looking for the USA's next curling star. Celebrities (including secret curling lovers Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen) are being recruited to participate, or act as hosts.

For more important details, check out this Salon story and an item from EngadgetHD.

This show pretty much rules. Although to be honest, I'd prefer "Rockstar Ice Dancing." Way more sexy!

Casa de Yummy

2008-02-12T23:44:00.004-05:00

I'm perplexed why people would name their business "Yummy House." But yes, this is a real photo, of a real place, taken near Tybee Island, Georgia. Since this was likely a Chinese restaurant, I hope "yummy" translates to something that is more meaningful in Chinese.

Big TV for Big Election

2008-02-12T14:34:00.001-05:00

Since it is Potomac - Chesapeake - StatesCaughtintheMiddle Primary Day, I figured there was no better way to celebrate this festive day than to ponder watching the election results on a 150 inch TV. What do the candidates look like when life size? Is Rev. Huckabee even scarier as he shares his brand evil with the world? Do you fear that Walnuts is verbally threatening you while sitting on the couch?

Debuted earlier this year at CES, the 150 inch TV is a beacon of hope for the future regardless of who wins the primary. This TV is even more amazing for the fair town of Washington, as it is probably bigger than the recently shuttered Dupont Circle craphole movie theaters!

And for those outside of DC that don't give a shiz, this TV might be perfect for watching WWE RAW on Telemundo.

Bacon Vodka - A Dream of Others

2008-01-25T12:29:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm talking about bacon all the time now. Strangely, I'm not even a bacon lover. Regardless, here's a tidbit about BACON VODKA dedicated to those who love bacon (my many friends) and those who love vodka (me). Since I'm an avid flavored-vodka creator, I know what gift the bacon lovers in my life will soon receive. I'll let them ponder how to use this in a cocktail.

Chicken Fried Yum

2008-01-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

As an homage to my many bacon-obsessed friends, the wonders of fried food, and my own love of Texas, I give you chicken fried bacon from Texas. For those unfamiliar with the term "chicken fried," it essentially means that the item is made like fried chicken, or coated with a flour batter of sorts and fried. Texans, likely bored with simply grilling up a steak, have made the "chicken fried steak," served with a side of white gravy, an integral part of Texas culinary traditions.

That brings us to this video, telling the wonderous story of chicken fried bacon. Watch and enjoy. I think Anthony Bourdain would be proud of this. Travel Channel execs, please take note (and include me on this shoot if you go). And thanks, John.

Pull up a POÄNG and have a listen...

2008-01-07T23:07:00.000-05:00

...to this crazy tale of a nutter living in the IKEA in Paramus, NJ this week. Is this performance art? Hope he doesn't OD on lingonberry drink.

Heck, anything is better than watching Hulk Hogan's bastardization of American Gladiators. He took something that was beautiful and turned it into network TV schlock. A travesty.

The Journal Junction

2007-12-28T11:18:00.001-05:00

It's always fun to step outta the "big city" into a small town and read the local newspaper. Sophisticated journalism and general copy editing are typically tossed aside in favor of local gossip (in the form of police reports) and the readers' own thoughts. It's fun, yet disturbing, to read a paper like this since I wonder why newsprint is wasted for such garbage.

Anyway, to tease you bit, here are some recent gems from the "Journal Junction" section of WV's The Journal newspaper:

"“Friggin’” is a word that is ... used to denote that the object of the statement is true in the extreme, and often, that it is negative ... It is based on an understood mispronounciation of “freaking,” which carries the same meaning, i.e. “My neighbor has six freaking cars on his lawn.” It is understood the neighbor has six cars on his lawn, and that this is considered a bad thing."

"To the caller who doesn’t like sweat pants on people over 30: Well, I am over 50 and overweight. I like to wear my sweat pants, because they are comfortable, and they are warm. I encourage people like me to keep on, baby. That’s why we live in the U.S.A. I even think I wore bedroom slippers to Wal-Mart one day when I forgot to wear my shoes!"

Essentially, people call or write the paper with their thoughts on anything, and the paper actually prints these items (no, they are not just posted on the web site). If people see an item one day and want to comment, they write back via this section. It's a community dialogue!

For a giggle, visit the Journal Junction and be sure you click on the "Full Story" link to see all the entries from a given day.

International Man of Snoot

2007-12-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

I just returned from abroad with this little nugget of humor. It isn't a typical souvenir, but rather an amusing tidbit of an egotistical and haughty fellow countryman.

Story: I met this gentleman in a wine tasting room. He gave me "his card" following tales of living on two continents and wanting to start a business. I almost guffawed in his face when I read his official (and obviously self-given) title.

What to note: Yes, the guy spells the word "connoisseur" in the French way for some unknown (but likely uppity) reason. Surprisingly, he never explained what he is a "connaisseur" (to use his spelling) of! My perverted mind has filed a mental list of possibilities.

What you can't see: The gentleman has phone numbers on three continents (two of the numbers are on the back of the card) and an e-mail address clearly exclaiming "I not just an international man of snootiness, but I went to a damn good school too!"

[Card details blurred to protect the privacy. I feel so kind now.]

Furry wrestling from outer space (in an outer borough)

2007-11-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

So I attended my second ever live Kaiju wrestling event on Friday night and enjoyed it thoroughly. You may recall I posted on this phenomenon a while back. This most recent event was certainly no let down. Not only did I get to see a space bug beat up a guy dressed as a dust bunny, but I also witnessed a hybrid octopus-boulder defeat a giant waffle. And to top it all off, I saw two titles change hands. Truly a historic night.

The venue was nearly as much fun as the event. The Warsaw in Brooklyn doubles as the "Polish National Home." I'm not sure what that means, but I do know they serve a nice kielbasa in a delicious roll (not quite Amaroso, but nearly as tasty). And I now have a new favorite Polish beer -- Zywiec.

Deer on Crack

2007-11-07T12:51:00.000-05:00

I have a special place in my heart for the "grittier" cities of America (Detroit not included in this happy feeling, of course). Nothing sums up the grittiest of American towns -- Baltimore -- than a recent quote from famed filmmaker (and lifelong Baltimorean John Waters). While in a bar in his hometown, Waters asked a guy what he did for a living. The guy responded, "Can I be frank? I trade deer meat for crack."

Obviously this quote conjures up numerous thoughts:
- Do crack dealers or crackheads have a penchant for venison?
- Does crack cause people to want deer meat?
- Are there markets for other meats when trading in animals and crack?
- Does he use the crack or sell it again for more profits?
- Do people give deer any crack before they are killed?

I think this deserves a read of the whole article. And of course, a viewing of John Waters most underrated flick (and my personal fave), Pecker.

Beer in a Punkin'

2007-10-26T11:46:00.001-04:00

I love beer...and I love pumpkin...yet I don't love pumpkin beer. However, I was truly fascinated by literally brewing beer IN a pumpkin. Check out the whole brewing process. Amazing.

Of course, I need to give the Internet a shout-out for bringing this to my attention. I love you Internet!

Vodka Tasting: Take Cinco de Mayo

2007-10-01T12:36:00.000-04:00

Well, it wasn't the 5th of May, but it felt like a party when the gang gathered to do another round of vodka tasting. The theme of this round was: more plain vodkas you often see at bars that we haven't tried yet. Yeah yeah, I know it's not a creative theme, but the non-flavored vodkas truly make the cocktails we all know and love. So, on with the results!

Vodka Tasting Take Five's Lineup: Svedka (Sweden), Three Olives (UK) and Reyka (Iceland).

Tonight was a little different than usual in that the two ladies and one gentleman had differing opinions on the vodkas, especially with the Three Olives. So, let's break it down a bit.

Best vodka straight up for the night: Svedka *barely* beat out Reyka for this title. Both ladies thought the Three Olives straight was horrid, with Goddess exclaiming that this tastes "chemically like an ultra-light cupcake" and "tastes like DC tap water." Strangely, the gentleman liked the Three Olives.

Best vodka with soda: Svedka, in it's very blue Ikea-looking bottle, was the clear winner for this category with all 3 tasters scoring this the highest. Reviews were "inoffensive" and "has a decent sweetness."

Best in a mixed cocktail: This round Reyka with its Icelandic lava-distilled goodness won, inciting comments of "clean" and "a little sweetness." Guess that lava works.

Overview: Svedka, which was $8.99 for the 750ml bottle this week, is a very good "bang for the buck." It would be a good choice for your next party when you don't want to go broke serving Ketel One. Our gentleman taster really like Three Olives best in his overall scoring, but frankly, the ladies thought it was just plain bad (and who really wants vodka from the UK anyway). Reyka did fine...but not so amazingly better than Svedka that you'd necessarily want to plop down an extra $10 or more bucks a bottle.

An aside, when selecting what seltzer or club soda you're drinking at home...we recommend paying the extra few cents for the Vintage (or other good brand). When using store-brand Zazz this round, we noted its crappiness and thought the better seltzer must be made by the Jews.

Smelly Smelly

2007-09-04T18:49:00.000-04:00

Score for the strangest thing I read today...KFC wants to put the aroma of Kentucky Fried Chicken in the halls and offices of corporate America. If only I was lying, but this is from a legitimate press release on the KFC site.

Basically, Colonel Sanders wants to put some kind of smell-o-lator on mail carts to spread the good news of chicken in offices, including here in DC. Frankly, it sounds more like they are spreading nausea to me. Now if they were to do a combined KenTacoHut smell, I'd be into that. Mmm...gorditas + pan pizza + popcorn chicken...

Love for Bruiser

2007-08-22T12:13:00.000-04:00

We all know Bruiser loves Japan and the wackiness that ensues there. To honor him, I found this lovely Hello Kitty bento box. Yes, it's real, made from cucumbers, rice, and other savory treats. So, next time you're in Japan, I hope you find this special box.

For more info on this precious piece of passion, pop over here.

Maybe Eddie Vedder had a stroke...

2007-08-21T21:24:00.001-04:00

...because a stroke-induced slur is the only plausible explaination for the inscrutibility of the song "Yellow Ledbetter."

Judge for yourself.

Just because this site has been quiet lately...

2007-08-19T23:11:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something funny. And timely, given the upcoming Kanye-50 Cent album release showdown.

The Billy Blanks method of diplomacy???

2007-08-06T18:25:00.000-04:00

I don't know who thought this was a good idea, but they should be fired.

As his contribution to the talent show that traditionally closes the annual meeting of ASEAN member countries, Japanese Foreign Minister Taro Aso helmed an elaborate parody of Billy's Boot Camp, the workout videos hawked by Billy Blanks on infomercials across the globe. Check out the video HERE.

You gotta feel sorry for the unfortunate bureaucrats who were likely forced upon threat of demotion to serve as the supporting cast for this mess. Government salaries aren't good enough to justify this kind of abuse.

Then again, at least Japan performed its own show. Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte just hired a bunch of Filipino singers to belt out a few showtunes. Heck, if he was just gonna hire someone and was already in Manila, he should have given these guys some work.

Danger - Might Cause Blindness

2007-08-05T20:43:00.000-04:00

We've all been told to respect our elders, but now we're expected to get off to them, too? Well, we would if the curator of the "Golden Gals Gone Wild" art exhibit had her way.

What's next? Nude Night Court? A Jeffersons-inspired porno?

Wonders of the Far East Part 3 - Alternative Marshmallows

2007-08-03T10:33:00.000-04:00

In this final chapter of my travel diary, I'd like to introduce you to the "Japanese Marshmallow." Walking through a morning market one day, I passed a bunch of European tourists gawking at something being sold from a mini take-out window. Curious, I approached them and saw that the object of their attention was a weirdo shopkeep selling something that looked like banana tofu. The Euro-tourists couldn't make heads or tails of what the product was, so the shopkeep excitedly shouted at them in broken English, "It's not french toast. Oh no! It's Japanese marshmallow! You try now!" They quickly scampered away without buying anything, but I thought I'd give it a go.

Tasted like scrambled eggs and sugar. Not that that is a bad thing.

Here's the recipe. I'm not sure what what "...baked 6" means. Maybe that is some sort of traditional Japanese cooking method.

Grand Tastings: Pineapple Soda

2007-08-02T16:56:00.000-04:00

In the grand tradition of comparison tastings here at STSS, the latest is pineapple soda! Props go to my coworker (thank you Sir Pop View) for dreaming of the pineapple soda tasting. I’m not sure I ever had pineapple soda before this grand showdown.

Participants: Two lovely gentlemen and Elle Woods.
Location: Office conference room.
Favorites: Fanta (by Elle and Sir Pop View) and Jamaican (by a coworker who generally is disgusted by pineapple soda).
Other Coworkers' Views of Tasting: Very sad that we weren't tasting alcoholic beverages.
Current Status of Sodas: In office fridge becoming science experiment.

Overall Thoughts on Pineapple Sodas Tasted:
Jamaican: Candylike, which is why wacky coworker friend liked it best.
Goya: Not overly syrupy; generally decent tasting; 2^ndfavorite for Elle and Sir Pop View.
Fanta: Probably the most real pineapple flavor; nice fizz.
India: Almost like pineapple juice in texture and flavor, but obviously not as good as juice.
Jupina: Strange brownish color; not very fizzy; rather bizarre.

Final Experiment: Mixing all the sodas together! Strangely, this had a decent flavor. When in doubt, mix!

It's Thriller!

2007-07-26T11:03:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know...there are a zillion Internet videos that your friends make you watch. You get a good giggle and then wonder why you wasted three minutes on some stupid dog doing a trick.

However, I bring to you an amazing, seemingly real Internet video that you must watch. It's Phillippine prisoners re-enacting Michael Jackson's Thriller video! No, I'm totally not lying. Be sure to notice the prisoner dressed up as the girl int he video. For more enjoyment, the prisoners also do a song from the fine film "Sister Act."

Pizza Bean Chips?

2007-07-18T16:42:00.000-04:00

Growing up in the 1980s, I think many of us ate some strange family dinners. However, it wasn’t until this weekend that I heard of probably the strangest meal ever: pizza, baked beans and potato chips. Yup, all three items served together on a weekly basis.

When my long-time friend shared this dark family secret, those who heard this amazing anecdote (including her husband for the first time) were entertained and enthralled. Why did these items become a weekly meal? Could, say, lima beans be substituted for the canned baked beans? And what about Doritos – could they take the place of potato chips? After some research (otherwise known as asking her mom why this strange meal ever occurred), it was found that her dad just happens to really like baked beans and felt that pizza warranted a side dish.

For now, I’ll be sticking with beer as my pizza side dish. Anyone else have any strange meals as a kid?

The Shopocalypse is Near

2007-07-04T11:00:00.000-04:00

Left-wing activism has officially gone televangelist style. It was probably only a matter of time. What do lefties like to make fun of the most? Crazy uber-Christians!

The Reverend Billy is leading the Church of Stop Shopping on a journey against the shopocalypse: when spirituality is replaced by the coveting of goods and the worshiping of credit cards. He is urging folks near and far to stop shopping, stop over consuming and stop to consider where and how goods are made (think sweatshops in India). An almighty goal, if I do say so myself.

I had the pleasure of learning about Rev. Billy via the documentary "What Would Jesus Buy?" shown at the fabulous Silverdocs Festival. The documentary travels alongside Rev. Billy and his troupe of singers/evangelists on their journey in an aging tour bus from NYC to Disneyland. Along the way, the gang stops at local churches, strip malls, the infamous Mall of America and finally ends with a sneak attack sermon/demonstration on Main Street in Disneyland (where Rev. Billy of course gets arrested).

This was one of the film's premieres, so hopefully it will receive wider release in theaters or on DVD. So in the meantime, Rev. Billy takes confessions online like all good 21st century televangelists do.

Wonders of the Far East Part 2 - Alternative Sports

2007-06-26T22:05:00.000-04:00

I was waiting for a train last week and had a great epiphany when I saw this sign...rather than do something routine like join a softball or kickball league (kickball? tres passe!), I am now putting an official shout out for members of the first Save the Squared Stage goldfish scooping team!!!

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Bruiser, isn't goldfish scooping a singles sport?" Heck, no! The more the merrier. Those goldfish can get feisty! You're gonna want a team member to watch your back when the competition gets fierce!

Who's in? I think this event even doubles as an olympic qualifier...

Wonders of the Far East Part 1 - Cultural Diplomacy

2007-06-25T21:31:00.000-04:00

Following a long-standing tradition of only exporting the finest American product to our friends in Asia, the United States is now responsible for introducing the Japanese to none other than Billy Blanks. Who, you ask? None other than that psycho-looking fellow who peddles tae-bo and boot camp-themed workout videos on informercials.

Billy was the theme of many a conversation I had with the locals in the past two weeks, whether they were commenting on how funny Billy's Japanese-dubbed voice is, his visit to Tokyo, or how they haven't yet developed Billy-esque abs despite daily viewings of the DVDs (yes, I actually know someone who bought these DVDs; but, heck, I also know someone who swears by the Magic Bullet).

Perhaps this is part of a new soft power diplomacy strategy by Karen Hughes to win the hearts and minds of our foreign allies.

The Philly Taco!

2007-06-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Just for Bruiser, a true blue Philadelphian, I bring you the Philly Taco! Bruiser and I share a deep love of Ishkabibble's, the fine cheesesteak institution that plays a big role in creating this special taco (make sure you read how this is created). Normally, I would consider bastardizing a REAL Philly cheesesteak as a horrific crime. However, since I love pizza so much (and Philly is a very under-rated pizza town), I'll let this fine concoction live free. I can't wait to get back to Philly...

Do You Have Airness?

2007-06-12T12:09:00.001-04:00

While Bruiser is far, far away in the foreign land of sushi and Engrish, I'm the uniblogger. I know he's sad that he missed the Washington, DC debut of the U.S. Air Guitar Championships. And no, I'm not making that up...

Air guitar broke out last year with little known documentary "Air Guitar Nation" chronicling a small group of dreamers in the barely existent U.S. Air Guitar Championships with the hope of reaching the international air guitar crown in Oulu, Finland. Two men were pitted against each other...C Diddy, a fake samurai who wears a Hello Kitty chest armor and Bjorn Turoque, a scrappy New Yorker with a most excellent stage name. (FYI - DVD comes out in August and it is a must rent.)

Back to DC...hosted by infamous air guitarer Bjorn Turoque, one of the regional competitions came to a sold-out 9:30 club last week before trekking to eight other cities around the country. An urban cowboy, a military man, an ancient philospher and some other generally weird characters competed for the Mid-Atlantic crown. Round one was a musical selection by the competitor; round two was a secret selection by the air guitar governing body. The guitarer with the most "airness" wins (see movie to full understand that concept). At the end of the show the entire crowd air guitared together.

One last thought...we cannot forget the political side of air guitar (especially for a DCite like myself). Air guitar aims for peace, because if you are holding an air guitar, you can't be holding a gun at the same time. As they say in the movie "make air, not war." Think on that for a minute...those are deep words for world peace.

(Photo courtesy of svetlana80 on Flickr since I'm an idiot and forgot my camera.)

Odd State of Affairs

2007-06-04T21:55:00.000-04:00

Nothing says "it's the night before a wedding" than chilling at an uber-smokey bar with a pregnant waitress selling test tube shooters! Yeah, this really happened in a small, central Pennsylvania town. I won't guess the kind of alcohol in her colorful test tube shooters distributed to the tunes of Bon Jovi and AC/DC. I fear it involved Everclear.

Sadly missing from this photo is a customer sporting matching, orange-sized tattoos on ther "upper boob-le area." I guess you could say it was an unforgettable night.

Video game reviews-better late than never

2007-05-20T22:31:00.001-04:00

My addiction this past weekend has been the Angry Video Game Nerd. This dude (who must live in a Philly suburb based on his references to Vitamin Y as a "local brew" and posters in his room from classic rock station WYSP) has taken the time to review a bunch of crap old NES/Atari/Sega games. He's foul mouthed, crude, and pretty darn funny.

I think my favorites are his reviews of:

A series of Bible-themed games;
Spiderman-themed games (in this video you see Spidey downing a Yuengling!);
A McDonalds themed game.

Drunken Gossip

2007-05-13T22:49:00.000-04:00

In the vein of gossipy newspaper columns...What former head of the Christian Coalition was spotted this week looking overtly over-cocktailed? His flushed face apparently didn't fool anyone who saw him. I wonder what his former followers would think of him now?

I Heart the New Scott Stapp

2007-05-08T11:53:00.000-04:00

American Idol really changes people. In fact, I think there are levels of transformation. Example A: Chris Daughtry. Last evening in Vegas, Mr. Daughtry was full-on rock star with heavy eyeliner and a heavy rocker attitude. The guy who worked at Jiffy Lube has transformed himself from the AI rocker and now into super rocker. Frankly, his demonstration last evening made me think he's been watching too many Creed videos...

This panda needs some Claritin

2007-05-05T23:43:00.001-04:00

Sorta like how I feel today. Damn pollen.

TV Shows on DVD

2007-05-02T17:34:00.000-04:00

Big news this week about TV shows coming out on DVD. One of my favorite web sites -- tvshowsondvd.com -- just ran a story about "My So Called Life" *finally* appearing on DVD. While I'll have to wait until fall for the set, I'll be pleased as punch to see Jared Leto when he was still hot. Ahh...those were the days. In the meantime for your viewing plesure, "90210 - The Second Season" just came out on DVD yesterday. So for those without expanded cable and access to SoapNet, Dylan can certainly fill in until fall.

[I know, I know...this post wasn't funny or silly. But I contend it is newsworthy and helpful, and I'm just trying to keep things fresh.]

Holy Hip-hop

2007-04-24T20:31:00.000-04:00

Although I was originally directed by a fellow dork to this site today, I found the above gem just one click away. It is a little long, but endearing.

Who knew there were so many knock-off Sir Mix-a-lot songs out there?

I'm Just Buzzed

2007-04-19T11:19:00.000-04:00

This video easily lands in the top 5 best Internet videos ever created. Words cannot express how amused I am at this, so please, watch the video. Thanks to my SIL for sharing ;)

Only in WV...

2007-04-13T15:56:00.000-04:00

So a felon was hiding from the po-po in a Porto-Potty! This is no joke. I only wish they had to tip the skanky pot over to get him out.

Not Aliens...But Spaceports!

2007-04-06T14:26:00.000-04:00

Book your plane tix now, a "spaceport" is soon to be built in Las Cruces, New Mexico. As my friend just noted, "Perhaps they can build a stable for Unicorns next."

Drinkin' Time

2007-04-03T21:34:00.000-04:00

Ahh college...gone are the days of drinking Koolaid and vodka at any hour of the day. How I yearn for such a carefree existence. Anywhodle, a coworker directed me to this fine video of college hijinx. One should appreciate the coordination of the students that made this video possible and amusing -- especially since coordination is typically not a subject where college students excel. I applaud the kids' effort, and for doing something besides having toweled males and females walk in and out of co-ed bathrooms to freak out parents (like certain students at certain colleges excelled at doing)...

Graffiti No Longer Entertains Masses

2007-03-28T15:22:00.000-04:00

The Internet Age has really zapped people's creativity, hasn't it? Even graffitied bus stop signage is no longer interesting or funny. Rather, it's just strange. Example: this sign from a DC metro area bus stop. If I were going to toy with a Google sign, researching "cross-dresser midget porn," "furry porn" or "jello porn" would be way more entertaining, and way more inventive, than this silly crap.

The Vodka Project: Take Four

2007-03-13T22:16:00.001-04:00

Another weekend and another round of vodka tasting. We sipped two of the very few American-made vodkas -- Tito's Handmade (an Austin, TX pot-still vodka) and Hangar One (a young Cali vodka born in 2001) -- versus Chopin, a traditional Polish potato vodka.

As in previous tastings, we tasted each vodka straight up with an ice cube, with soda, and in a mixed cocktail (a lemonade-chambord cocktail as in previous rounds). Two females and one male got drunk, er, um, I mean tasted with much thought and commentary.

Winner of the night: Hangar One
We didn't expect it, but the the sweetness of this vodka straight up and with soda won over our small crowd. All three tasters ranked this vodka tops in the three categories, with us especially enjoying this vodka mixed with soda.

Loser of the night: Chopin
While not as bad as some previous vodkas we've tasted (vodkas that shall remain nameless), this tater tot-based vodka was not a favorite. One taster noted this vodka "smelled faintly of a public restroom" and another said "this isn't as good as mashed potatoes." With comments like this, no wonder there is no deep love.

Overall, Hangar One is a reliable choice in your next bar setting. Tito's Homemade was noted to be a smooth and decent vodka, but if you have a choice, ask for Hangar One.

Note to readers: after we make it through the mainstream vodkas you see at your local bar, we'll be doing a "championship round." Don't miss it -- this really is a public service!

Snakes on a TV

2007-03-04T07:10:00.000-05:00

This makes me laugh no matter how many times I listen to it.

This poor SF Chronicle subscriber just wants to watch Nancy Grace, but all he can find on Channel 57 are "some dumb snakes crawling all over the television when it is time to go to bed." Huh??? Plus he missed Geraldo?!? I'd be upset, too!

Morning Stank

2007-02-20T14:46:00.000-05:00

Yeah, here we are again with another food-related gadget, but at least this time it's unique, useful and zany. Here we have the "Wake 'n Bacon," a devilish device that awakes sleeping beauties with the aroma of a cooking cured pork product. Pretty funny, huh? Well, this is just a prototype, as the inventor-in-chief is looking for a manufacturer, so don't rush out with your gold card just yet.

Honoring a Great Man

2007-02-16T20:37:00.000-05:00

It's a sad day. The inventor of the TV remote control died today. This man was truly a patriot. When TV was in its earliest (and obviously crappiest) stages, he toiled long hours so that millions around the world could sit on their collective asses and and bask in the glow of television. In 1956 when the Zenith Space Command remote control was debuted, did he imagine the almost 400 channels that are available today? I'm guessing not. Frankly, in my book, he stands next to the inventor of TV as one of the world's greatest people ever.

3-in-1 Breakfasts Are Dumb

2007-02-15T16:16:00.000-05:00

I'm convinced there is an idiotic new kitchen item unveiled every week (and some previous examples have been mentioned right here). This week it's a ridiculous yet amusing all-in-one breakfast genie. Do people really need an appliance that makes a complete breakfast? And how does lunch feel about this? I mean, a tuna melt and coffee makes a great lunch but no one ever mentions that! Lunch gets no respect. Anyway, if the inventor of this monstrosity gets rich off this, I'll be really pissed...

Hooray for laziness!

2007-02-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just don't feel like walking the rest of the way home. This guy didn't, and did something about it.

This drones on a bit...

2007-02-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

Elle and I love us a good rant. Especially when it is directed at the evil liberal print media! And given that this rant relates to unmanned aerial vehicles (a secret passion of mine in a former life), the synergies were too much not to blog about.

The San Francisco Chronicle recently decided to have a little fun with its angry readership by turning readers' phone calls into a wacky podcast. In this pilot (no pun intended) episode, a word-wise reader bitches out the editors of the paper for their use of the tautology "pilotless drone" as a synonym for UAV. For shame!

And in a first for STSS, I have linked below to a fun music video somebody made of the call. Enjoy!

Power to the Napkin

2007-02-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to report the infamous "napkin notes" of Bruiser and my college experience is still alive and kicking at our alma mater's sister college. Apparently the wacky and witchy Bryn Mawr chicks are complaining via napkin notes (notes written on brown, recycled paper napkins while eating rice krispie treats made in a bowl at the tasty Rhodes dining hall) that they dislike the new mtvU TVs in their dining halls. (For those of you beyond college years, mtvU is a college-oriented network showing music videos and info about social-change from campuses across the country.) It's rather typical of Mawrters to complain about something as non-threatening as TV. They'd more likely rather see a witches-and-warlocks network or the un-fashionable fashions network. However, if you read to the end of the story, one Mawrter provides hope that not all strange lurkers of the Mawr will be societal freaks.

Vodka Tasting - Part Tres

2007-01-30T20:52:00.001-05:00

Yes, my friends and I drank a lot again, but we did it for YOU. We're tasting more vodka so that you can select the perfect base for your next cocktail. This round included three females and one male. Again, we're tasting the classic plain vodkas straight up, with soda and in a cocktail. However different from other rounds, we didn't compare the "cheapies" to the "pricies." Instead, we just went vodka by vodka in no particular order.

The lineup: Skyy, Stoli, Grey Goose, Ketel One, Level and Effen.

Crappiest vodka of the evening: Level
The vodka designated by manufacturer Absolut as "beyond smooth" is more like "beyond crap" to us. This was the lowest scoring vodka in all categories by all tasters. "Bad and wrong" and "My mouth waters to get rid of it" were just a few comments about how ass-tastic this vodka tastes. At the evening's conclusion, we were wondering how to use the leftover Level. Most likely it will be pushed onto less discriminating friends at an upcoming fiesta.

Curiously delectable vodka of the evening: Ketel One
Ketel One was the big winner of the "flavored" tasting (see Vodka Tasting - Part Uno), and it scores high yet again. All tasters were impressed in all categories by the Ketel, noting it's "the cleanest one we've had thus far." We were especially surprised that Ketel One was drinkable straight up, a category several tasters typically don't enjoy exploring.

Cheapskate vodka winner of the evening: Skyy
While tasters don't think it's as tasty as the fine Finlandia, as a "we're drinkin' cheap" vodka, Skyy did well this round. Tasters did not have deep positive or negative feelings towards Skyy. It performed best in the "with soda" category.

Other thoughts to note: The plain Stoli was only decently rated in the mixed cocktail category. Tasters exclaimed "Smells like college!" and "Fumes!" in response to the Stoli straight up and with soda. Surprisingly, Grey Goose did not perform as highly as its price and reputation. On average, it finished below Effen, Skyy and Ketel One. One experienced vodka taster expressed a "Yech!" when drinking the Goose.

Don't worry! This isn't the last installation of vodka tasting. If you can believe it, we still have popular brands Chopin, Citradelle and Hanger One to sample, along with others.

Passing of Bam Bam Bigelow

2007-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

I just learned that Bam Bam Bigelow passed away. Heck of a wrestler. I remember being impressed by him when I first saw him as a wrestler for WWF and years later was glad to catch him working for ECW.

I did a quick You Tube search for one of his fights, and decided I'd link to this one because it has him wrestling Nikolai Volkoff. Very clear who is the heel here. Nobody likes a Soviet-era Russian. Rocky IV taught us that. Unless, of course, that Russian is Yakov Smirnoff. We like him, because he helps keep the Branson, MO economy vibrant with his wacky stage show.

Creamy Goodness

2007-01-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

American Idol, in typical fashion, is whoring its brand once again. This time it's ice cream. Actually, the "Take the Cake" flavor sounds damn good. However, I really think some better flavors would have been "Silky Simon Sundae" or "Peppermint Poppin' Paula" or even better "Razzy Ripple Randy."

Big Big Brother problem

2007-01-17T23:16:00.000-05:00

I would have skipped right past this new item if I hadn't experienced first hand last year Brits' love of their version of the Big Brother reality show. They eat it up. More than we obsess over American Idol. They not only run the show multiple times a week -- they have recap and chat shows devoted entirely to the show!

Anywho, jolly old England is now enjoying a celebrity version of the show (among the D-list stars we Yanks would recognize are Jermaine Jackson and Dirk Benedict, of A-Team fame). Unfortunately, the show has been tainted by bad relations between some of the contestants and their Bollywood star housemate. Enough to cause something of an international incident.

Let's hope we never get this worked up over Beauty and the Geek.

Further proof that Germans have a weird sense of humor

2007-01-15T11:42:00.000-05:00

It isn't news that our friends in Germany love the stylings of Mr. David Hasslehoff. But yesterday I learned that they also have a strange appreciation of British humor. The LA Times printed an article recently about the German tradition of watching a short British comedy sketch which, oddly enough, has never been aired on British TV. I'll admit that it is pretty funny. But why do the Germans love it so? Yet another of life's mysteries, perhaps.

I guess Germans also love Legos. Though everyone loves Legos, so that isn't really surprising.

MLK remembered...sort of

2007-01-15T11:23:00.000-05:00

Nobody ever confused us for a country of history scholars. WashPost reports today that a disturbing number of US college kids think Martin Luther King, Jr. was an abolitionist. Well, I'm sure he would have been anti-slavery if that had been the pressing issue of his time. So I guess these idiots aren't totally wrong.

And for more fun with distorted history, look no further than our fearless leader (OK, so it's a parody).

Fried Crowns

2007-01-07T20:07:00.000-05:00

The fast food industry never ceases to amaze me. First, there was the Taco Bell double-decker taco, the greatest combination of beans, tortilla, and taco ever created. Now, there are the crown-shaped "chicken" nuggets. The tights-wearing King at your local Burger King is now frying up these shapely breaded goodies for everyone, not just kids, via the value menu. I think we all know what you'll be doing with your next $1...especially since it's about the closest thing we'll all get to royalty.

Vodka Tasting - Part Deux

2007-01-01T17:17:00.001-05:00

There's no better way to start 2007 than with our latest vodka tasting update! Oh sure, you may be hung over now, but by the weekend a quality cocktail will be required. In case you've been on another planet and missed vodka tasting numero uno, my friends and I have devoted ourselves to finding the perfect vodka for every cocktailing occasion (and to save you from plastic-bottle Gordon's vodka when you're at a loss for what vodka to request).

Anywhoodle (as "Goddess" would say), the second round of vodka tasting focused on the utilitarian plain/unflavored vodka. Our method for tasting this round was to pin "cheapie" vodkas (cheap, but not arriving in a plastic bottle) against each other, and then move to three "pricies" head-to-head. As in the previous round, we tasted each vodka straight up, then with seltzer, and finally mixed in a cocktail. This tasting included two females and one male.

Cheapies Lineup: Smirnoff vs. Finlandia
Results: The Smirnoff was reported by all tasters to have an odd sweetness and medicinal taste, thus giving it the lower overall score. By comparison, Finlandia had a clean, nondescript, and smooth flavor that the group found to be pleasant straight up, with seltzer and in a cocktail.

Pricies Lineup: Belvedere vs. Ciroc vs. Blue Ice
Results: Ciroc easily leads the pack with its high scores in all categories. This French grape-based vodka was a crowd-pleaser, with one mentioning its hint of citrus flavor. We were most dispointed with Belvedere, with one taster succinctly exclaiming that it's "nasty, nasty shit." I think we all agreed after noting the vodka's medicinal quality and general ass-tastic-ness. Blue Ice performed best in a mixed cocktail, but generally the group felt so-so toward this American vodka.

Overall thoughts: Your everday, go-to vodka should be Finlandia. Lacking an overpowering flavor, it lends well to tasty mixed drinks without breaking the bank. For your next vodka and soda, all tasters gave Ciroc with soda the highest scores. Ciroc has a pleasant flavor that comes through nicely with just soda. Finally, we were deeply disturbed by the disgusting flavor of Belvedere and urge the world at large to avoid it at all times.

Blender's Worst List

2006-12-12T14:39:00.000-05:00

Blender Magazine recently listed their worst artists in music history. While this is a pretty good rundown, there are a few problems:
1. Calling many of these people "artists" is just wrong. Do you really consider Master P to be an artist? Same for Whitesnake? I think not.
2. 98 Degrees rules! How can you not like the underdog boy band with cutie Nick Lachey?
3. Ranking Yanni #15 is way too low. He should be ranked #2, right after the pan flute-playing guy on the infomercials.
4. Jamiroquai!?!? On THIS list? Come on people. His tunes are fun, dancey and catchy.
5. No band that has performed on an episode of 90210 should be included on this list, so Color Me Badd needs to be exchanged for Fergie or J.C. Chasez cuz they really do blow.
6. Where is Josh Groban on this list? He is an affront to all humanity. He really should stop torturing old women.

However, I applaud Blender for not forgetting the crimes against humanity delivered by Celine "Horsey Girl" Dion, the Gypsy "We Are Trying to be Exotic" Kings, Creed, Michael "I Should Have a Hairball" Bolton, Kenny "Nothing I Play is Even Close to Jazz" G and Lee "I Get Rednecks on Their Feet to Salute" Greenwood. And mostly, thank you, Blender, for including Vanilla Ice. May I never have to see or hear his only famous song karaoke'd ever again.

Super Yum Pops

2006-11-30T15:15:00.000-05:00

It's true. I may be a little intrigued with ways to work alcohol into typically unalcoholic food products. Everyone has a hobby. For instance, last night some friends and I were considering the possibility of pudding shots (instead of the normal jello shots), as pudding is way higher class and more mature than jello.

So today I stumble upon Freaky Ice. Not only does it have a funky name, but these new ice pops are also an ingenious way to consume alcohol with fun flavors like Lemon Stinger, Cherry Fusion, and Passion Cocktail. More importantly, its transportable for those specials days you just can't be lazily watching bad tv.

The inventor of this product should seriously be considered for the next Nobel Prize. Innovation like this needs to be rewarded.

I Heart The Bell

2006-11-20T20:46:00.000-05:00

Can you imagine ever eating $12,500 worth of Taco Bell? Have you already eaten $12,500 in double decker tacos in your lifetime? If so, I applaud you. Anyway, The Hell is offering $12,500 in Taco Bell bucks if you donate that Playstation 3 you just slashed someone at Wal Mart for. I'm serious. I could totally wait until later for a PS3 if I got a lifetime supply of calories. Just think of the party you could throw...

All Hail the Cocktail!

2006-11-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

Just as I'm convinced there is a trade or professional association for everything, there is now a museum for everything. Fortunately, this museum is for something good, and it shares valuable information like, "Martha Washington enjoyed daily toddys. In the 1790s, "happy hour" began at 3:00 p.m. and cocktails continued until dinner." If happy hour only began at 3pm in the 21st century...the world might be a more relaxed, peaceful and happy place. Certain world leaders should consider this fine thought....

Short cuts...

2006-11-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

My blog buddy and I have been slacking lately, so I thought I'd try to make up for our lack of recent activity with a few fun links to bide your time until we feel inspired to write again:

-- Like those Apple ads with the Mac guy and the PC guy? You'll like them even more in Japanese!

-- Here's a fun NPR story on election ads and the guys who do the voice-overs for them.

-- Someone sent me a link to this video the other day. I actually had this album in junior high.

-- Jagshemash! I thought the movie was a little flat, but here are some of Borat's greatest hits.

McCreepy

2006-11-02T17:20:00.000-05:00

McDonalds' McRib sammich has creeped me out for at least two decades. Perhaps it's because the McRib in no way resembles an actual rib, and I fear the lab where this was created? Or maybe it's the pickles on the sammich, which seem like an odd condiment for any rib-like product. Anyway, a few years ago Mickey D's said they were axing this craptastic sammich for good. However, due to "popular demand," McRib is back for its Farewell Tour Part Deux. Who are these people who "demand" to eat this psuedo-pork McCrappy sammich? It's best to just blame it on Republicans...no other explanation makes sense.

Toasting to Soaps

2006-10-27T10:53:00.000-04:00

Never would I have expected Susan Lucci and Tim Russert to be in the same room together, let alone me be in the room too! Yet, just this week, they were side-by-side at the "Broadcasting & Cable's Hall of Fame Dinner" in NYC. Following Mayor Bloomberg's quip about appearing on "All My Children" a few years back (um, yeah, I'm not even commenting on how that's creepy), TV's Erica Kane invited ole Tim to guest star on "All My Children" as well. Would he play her reincarnated love interest? A baby thief? Her long lost sister who had a sex change?

This is Me

2006-10-24T16:03:00.000-04:00

I saw this photo* yesterday and I was reminded of myself. This is how I feel a lot of evenings as I surf cable's finest programming options and ponder my uber-white skin. Argh.

*Photo altered slightly for beer preference.

Frozen Breakfast

2006-10-19T21:39:00.001-04:00

Bacon is often celebrated as a mythical food; a delicacy with a deeply devout following. Late night banter between bacon lovers often produces dreams of new ways to eat the salty strips. So, because of recent chatter surrounding the possibility of bacon ice cream, my SO and I took on the challenge and created Breakfast Ice Cream. This tasty treat is homemade maple ice cream with small chunks of frozen pancakes and crispy bacon pieces. It truly is a frozen breakfast. I'll go out on a limb and say it's truly original. Ben & Jerry will be knocking down the doors any day now.

This man frightens boy scouts!

2006-10-17T21:14:00.000-04:00

Heck, boy scouts have a right to be frightened in a world plagued by rouge helicopters and sports arenas without competing tenants.

Confused? Listen to the gospel according to David Thompson.

Dreams do come true!

2006-10-16T21:39:00.000-04:00

So I happened to be browsing recent wrestling results on PWTorch.com when I happened upon this little tidbit -- a former Real World kid is now a WWE wrestler! Mike Mizanin of "Real World 10: Back to New York" has managed to turn his "The Miz" character into the latest wacky crossover in sports entertainment. I guess all those appearances on RW/RR Challenges just weren't paying the bills. We here at STSS wish The Miz the best of luck!

Vodka Tasting - Numero Uno: Battle of the Flavors

2006-10-16T13:05:00.001-04:00

A few friends and I have dedicated ourselves to finding the perfect vodka for every occasion. It is not an easy task, as we must subject ourselves to several rounds of sipping many selections. First we must taste each vodka straight up (with an optional ice cube), then each vodka with seltzer, and lastly each vodka in some type of mixed cocktail.

This round included three females and one male. All pledged their devotion and excitement for the event. And, following the event's conclusion, all pledged to participate in future tastings.

Tasting Numero Uno: Citrus and Vanilla Vodkas

Lineup - Part A: Ketel One Citroen versus Absolut Citron
(mixed cocktail for this round: vodka, cranberry and a tad of limeade....named last evening the "East-West Highway")
Winner - Part A: Ketel One easily wins the straight, with seltzer and with mixer categories. Due to how sucky Absolut tasted versus Ketel One, we have all signed contracts banning Absolut Citron from our lives, unless we're serving it to large dumb groups or people we don't really like. One taster repeatedly commented about the "Lemon Pledgey-ness" of the Absolut. The group unanimously thought the Ketel One was very smooth in the mixed cocktail.

Lineup - Part B: Solti Vanilla versus Absolut Vanilla
(mixed drink for this round: vodka and Coke Zero)
Winner - Part B: Stoli Vanilla wins the with selzter category, but Absolut Vanilla wins in the mixed drink category. Absolut Vanilla seemed to hide the fake sweetener in the Coke Zero better than the Stoli. So diet drinkers: heed the warning!

Next up: Battle of the plain vodkas. Stay tuned.

Butt-toucher

2006-10-04T22:27:00.000-04:00

I love this ad. In case our audience hasn't seen it, I offer it here. Because I am to please.

Tokyo Report - Part 1

2006-10-04T21:38:00.000-04:00

Call it good luck. Call it karma. Call it divine intervention. Whatever it was, it was pretty cool.

There I was in the lobby of my hotel in Tokyo last week when a friend says to me, “Hey, that’s Antonio Inoki!”

Before you ask, let me explain that Antonio Inoki was only one of the very best Japanese pro-wrestlers in recorded history. So famous that he once battled Mohammed Ali! And was in a Bad News Bears movie! And then, just to keep them guessing, he became a member of parliament for a while (the Japanese national parliament, not Parliament Funkadelic, though that would be pretty cool too…). He’s even met Saddam Hussein!

Alas, Mr. Inoki quickly boarded a waiting limo and disappeared into the night before I had a chance to snap a photo. But I now include him in an ever-growing list of pro-wrestling legends I have encountered, however briefly, in civilian life:

John Kronos of The Eliminators – I bumped into him and his daughter at Geno’s Steaks in South Philly. Nice guy.
The Great Sasuke – Another wrestler/politician. I even got his business card!
Detox – A neighbor of mine growing up. He didn’t look like this then.
Some buff lady wrestler from Kentucky – I wish I could remember her name. She kindly took photos with me and my friends at a pro-wrestling event we attended in a local gymnasium. She said she worked during the week as a bouncer in a Tokyo gaijin bar.

Stayin' Alive

2006-10-04T17:46:00.000-04:00

With all the Congressman Foley madness running rampant in DC, I am obliged to post some new song lyrics penned by a stroke of genius today. The side photo inspired these lyrics. (And for those who don't know, the other guy in the photo is Michael Brown, otherwise known as "Brownie" to George Bush. He's the former FEMA director who was "doing a great job" when the administration was, um, "forgetting" about a big hurricane.)

The new "Stayin' Alive" written by "Professor Callahan":

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a pompous man: no time to talk.
Broken levies, pages warm, we sucked a silver spoon
When we were born.
And now it's all right. It's ok.
And you may look the other way.
We can surely understand
ABC news' effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

Well now, you get low and I get high,
And I roll my pants and I stay dry.
Got the seed of pages on my shoes.
Dirty old men... just cant lose.
You know it's all right. It's ok.
I'll live to see another day.
And we don't give a hot goddamn...
'Bout ABC's effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Nobody helps you, yeah.
You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Good luck, good luck on stayin' alive.

Benefits of the Job

2006-09-21T15:37:00.001-04:00

Did you know that no one physically controls the cameras when The Weather Channel is live on tv? It's true! This is one of the fun facts I learned when I got a tour of The Weather Channel studios today. Some dude sitting at a computer moves the cameras. Hilarious! All the people forecasting the weather are sitting in the middle of the studio feeding the on-air people info, who are usually right in front of their version of a newsroom.

And check out this guy...I met him (apparently his name is Marshall, not that I knew this before looking him up on the Internet moments ago) and he is just as cheesy as he looks in this photo. In fact, if you were watching TWC between 9:30 and 10am this morning, you would have seen me walk through the studio behind my new friend Marshall! Ha!

I also learned that the female weather people on tv have stalkers! Apparently there are some weirdos out there who try and stalk these chicks. Ahhh...better add "weather" to the list of fetishes in the world...

Thanks, WB

2006-09-15T12:42:00.000-04:00

The "WB" is my favorite double entendre this week as it's quite ironic that I need to say thanks to a few WBs at the same time.

First, I'd like to thank the World Bank for telling me not to vacation in Somalia or East Timor because of terrorism, armed conflict and epidemic disease (the WB released a new report on places not to travel). YUM! While I was considering these locations for my next exotic canoeing adventure, I will now refocus my efforts into vacationing in Iraq, which strangely is not listed. Umm...I can't even fathom how Iraq is a safe and fun place to grab some marginally fresh meat kabobs and see some blown-up historical sites right now.

As for the other WB, the fine WB network, I must say thanks for the memories. The WB this week will evolve into the CW -- the pulling together of UPN and WB shows into a "new" network. So, thank you for the sappy teen drama with dialogue written specifically for an adult audience (Dawson's Creek). And thanks for sharing the tales of a whiney college student in the big city (Felicity). The countless hours I've wasted (and now continue to waste - thank you Noggin for bringing me DC) made life that much happier for me.

All Hail the Nyfork!

2006-09-05T13:21:00.000-04:00

Continuing my fascination with bizarre kitchen products (especially ones that are pimped on late night TV), I stumbled across the Nyfork today. Could this be the world's most perfect eating utensil? No longer do I have to remember to bring the knife AND fork to my table (coffee table that is -- America's favorite place to dine). I really hope to soon see the Nyfork's infomercial. I must learn how many different things this special utensil can cut, cuz I eat pizza with my own greasy fingers (no word on when they will get their own infomercial).

Everyone's Favorite Cousin

2006-08-31T16:39:00.000-04:00

Do you remember Cousin Oliver? Well I certainly do, being the "Brady Bunch" junkie that I am. A certain significant other of mine wouldn't have a clue if I made a reference to Cousin Oliver in passing, but not all of us can be weened on TV. Still, I find making these bizarre TV references part of my life. Anyway, just thought I'd share a "blast from the past" interview with him from today's Post. Funny stuff.

I love the Internet. I love classic TV. And I love the Washington Post, the big city, national paper without feeling the need to act high and mighty.

On furries and wrestling...

2006-08-08T21:48:00.000-04:00

OK, so I don't think these people technically qualify as furries/fursuiters, but they come pretty close...

This past weekend I decided to take in a bit of culture and caught a show by a little performance art troupe called Kaiju Big Battel (video). Basically it entails a bunch of adults dressed in Power Ranger-meets-Godzilla monster-esque costumes fighting in a pro wrestling ring, complete with elaborate back-stories and a punk rock soundtrack (the opening act was the "Japanese Action Comic Punk" band Peelander-Z -- catch them live at the old ECW Arena on 8/26!). Good guys! Bad guys! A Joey Styles-esqe commentator! Wacky props (the first match involved scaling a 12' paper mache Empire State Building)! Talk about sensory overload.

Even better was the sold-out crowd. Imagine a weird, overly-tatooed hybrid of the crowd of a Ramones show genetically-spliced with the attendees of a ComicCon. And add a few families for good measure. And a few furries (not part of the show, but fans who took it upon themselves to bring their own costumes).

A good time was had by all.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of furries, Liane Hansen had a guest on Weekend Edtion Sunday this week who has done a little research in the furry phenomenon. Furry is the flavor of the week!

What will geeks think of next?

2006-08-08T21:33:00.000-04:00

I found this on Google Video this evening, not knowing anything about the context. Seems the song is from Avenue Q and the images are from the "massively-multiplayer online role-playing game" (MMORPG, in geek-speak) World of Warcraft.

Pretty funny stuff. Hooray for witty dorks!

Microsoft top brass is sooooo declasse...

2006-08-07T21:49:00.000-04:00

A little bird sent me this today, pointing out that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer had taken a page out of Howard Dean's playbook. I don't agree. It is more like Ballmer was trying to prove that he is indeed the whacked-out love child of Dean and CNBC loudmouth Jim Cramer. And if you thought that was bad, take a look at how much this man can sweat. Eeeewwwww!!!

Kids Love Millionaires!

2006-08-02T12:11:00.000-04:00

Never in a million years would I have imagined that my multi-gazillionaire former employer would be signing a kid's head. But heck, I guess it is a lot more likely than him signing someone's ass. Perhaps the office "autopen" should be sent out to sign other body parts...or even better, perhaps an official "Jay Rock" tatoo needs to be created and sold!

The Whole World Loves Infomercials

2006-07-25T09:55:00.000-04:00

Flipping through the satellite channels (grr...satellite bad...cable good) at a beachside Turkish hotel, I found the holy grail -- a Magic Bullet infomercial! While it has been renamed "Merlin" for European audiences, I was equally dazzled in Turkey (just as I was here at home) by the fruit smoothies the "bullet" whipped and the onions it chopped.

To even further heighten my brief TV viewing, the next channel I flipped to was a "find God" informercial. I know super Jesus people like to take their message to the world and all, but taking their message to a non-Christian oriented country? I wish them luck.

I would have opted for a Bob Schieffer theme, but...

2006-07-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

This isn't new news, but it still makes me laugh so I thought I should share.

Apparently in these great United States there exists this cool little kid who insisted on a "Jim Lehrer News Hour" theme for his 3rd birthday party. This might make him an outcast among the pre-school crowd, but he's a hero in my book. And it'll be great fodder for his college application essay in about 15 years.

So Long TV Genius

2006-07-03T17:18:00.000-04:00

Before it gets too late, I must pay homage to the recently departed Aaron Spelling. His dream of creating television dramas aimed at teens/twentysomethings certainly brought much joy to my life over the years. Although I enjoyed the antics of a wacky cruise ship crew, it wasn't until Brandon, Brenda, Dylan and Kelly graced my screen that I knew Spelling really spelled "genius."

Thank you, Aaron, for delighting me with the sagas of rich California kids for the last 14 years (yes, 90210 is still on - check out the SOAP network daily). And thank you, Aaron, for bringing a new era of trashy soap TV via "Melrose Place" for my generation. Without you, my hours of couch potatoing would have been full of just sitcoms.

Note: We will not comment about a certain lame "family-oriented" show on the WB that Mr. Spelling is also credited as producing. His legacy should really try to separate him from that piece of ultimate dullness.

Threesome Fun

2006-06-27T10:10:00.000-04:00

Props go out to television network TV Land for their "Three's Company" marathon over the weekend. More than 48 hours of threesome fun definitely brightened my rainy days. I had forgotten how much I loved the antics of Mr. Furley and Larry. Although I watched this show in reruns as a youngster, viewing it as an adult brought about many questions, such as:

1. Why would two women in their 20's (if not their 30's) want to share a bedroom and sleep in a twin bed?
2. Did people really pretend in the years 1977 -1984 that women never had sex in their bedroom?
3. Did Janet go to college? (We know Jack was in the Navy and then went to cooking school.)
4. Can three people really share a bathroom ALL the time?
5. Why didn't the gang ever get drunk at the Regal Beagle? They always went, but there was no drunkenness.
6. How old was this gang really supposed to be? They seem older than 27.
7. Where was the TV? Their living room had no TV, and that seems sad.
8. Why didn't we ever see them go to the beach? They lived in southern Cali, but we only saw the gang in very few locations.

Elle Meets the Next President!

2006-06-05T21:01:00.000-04:00

The South is a weird place -- and yes, Richmond is really the South. A few drinks after a friend's wedding turned into quite a political romp as my gang met up with suprise hotel guest, future presidential candidate Mark Warner. He was a very nice fellow decked out in jeans and a polo shirt. He gets my non-Hillary vote.

But our brush with Virginia political fame wasn't the most exciting event at the Jefferson Hotel on Saturday evening. The Virginia Republican Party was having their annual gala dinner at the same time Mark Warner's presidential support group was having a weekend meeting. Unfortunately, the historic hotel's rotunda area did not turn into a ECW wrestling arena with the Dems table-slamming and chair-bashing some old southern, drunk Republicans.

America's Secret Club

2006-05-16T17:18:00.000-04:00

America's favorite TV show has a secret fan club. There are thousands of people who rush home every Tuesday night to watch "American Idol," yet their family, friends and coworkers have no idea what they are doing between 8 and 9pm. "I need to go do my laundry" and "I need to feed my goldfish" are some excuses that are floated around 7:55pm on Tuesdays. Haven't you noticed the people who dash away from the water cooler as soon as the Katharine's knee-humping is mentioned?

This secret fan club exists because I know them. I know they they hide amongst us. Yet, it isn't until after several drinks that their club membership is revealed when they opine about the gray-haired man shaking his moneymaker.

Why are people afraid to admit they like the cutting comments from Simon? Why do they hide the fact that they can't live without seeing Paula's nightly live TV insaity? Don't these people realize that there are few of us who can resist the utter cheese that brings America so much joy?

Next question for next time...Why are there "American Idol" haters out there? How can anyone hate something so simple and wholesome as a singing show?

Don't Mess With Burritos

2006-05-02T11:44:00.000-04:00

This is where I draw the line. Obviously the US faces some serious immigration issues, but damnit, don't mess with burritos! Next to the quesadilla, the burrito may be the world's perfect food (quesadillas are a little better because they are primarily queso). The warm, thick flour tortilla is but a blank palate for an endless array of tasty latin flavors. America's flavor-challenged Anglo-Saxon background could never create such beautiful dish. Perfectly folded in the one of the world's best bread products, the burrito is worthy of saving for a future of well-fed Americans.

So, take away the taquitos. Eliminate the egg rolls. Stamp out schnitzel. Kick out the kim-chi. But please, battle for the wonderous burrito!

Smokin' Tinis

2006-04-27T22:42:00.000-04:00

My co-blogger and I were both in America's most boring city, St. Louis, this month. While Bruiser hit up the International Bowling Hall of Fame, I sought the Arch city's most secret treat -- the smoking martini. A self-defined cocktail expert, I have not seen a lovely pink smoking pomegranate martini in my many cocktailing escapades around the country. So, while St. Louis may have little to offer in terms of unique culture (outside of bowling, of course), the town does have the only smoking martini I've ever seen. Thank you oh wonderous dry ice...and I hope other places take a cue and make our martinis a little more frisky. [Note to readers: The cocktail smoked more when I first got it. I was just slow on the photographing. Blame it on the 'tinis I guess.]

Language learning made fun!

2006-04-13T22:51:00.000-04:00

Those 8:00 AM foreign language classes in college would have been much more fun if we used texts like the one described in this blog entry. I'm sure any Japanese who studied from this book would blend right in in "da hood".

So, thank you, Randall C. Miller, Jr. You are a valuable asset to the field of cross-cultural communication. And you wear that do-rag well.

Yay Tori!

2006-04-11T12:06:00.000-04:00

As one of 90210's biggest fans, I must give a brief shout-out to the new Tori Spelling show "So NoTorious." Full of wacky pop culture references (including famous episodes of 90210), Tori Spelling takes direct aim on her own life and makes fun of herself and her family. It's legitimately sassy, giggle-worthy and fun, something most other TV shows should consider as important ingredients. And, Tori's hair and outfits are pretty normal and attractive, something that can't be said of Donna Martin.

But this show is more than laughs. "So NoTorious" not only redeems Tori Spelling from a Wikipedia entry noting that she is a washed-up actress, but also redeems VH1 from showing hours and hours of crap everyday. VH1 bores cable subscribers with celebrity gossip shows that have no gossip and additional seasons of the "Surreal Life," a show I'm convinced no one watches (and I know a lot of people who watch a lot of crap). Is there a more boring channel than VH1, other than TNT showing continous reruns of "Law and Order"?

Love and Hate at Wal-Mart

2006-03-27T11:52:00.000-05:00

I have a love-hate relationship with Wal-Mart. I hate how they force retailers to package things how they want it, censor fine rap music, put small businesses in the toilet, treat their fine employees and lack high-end bottled water. On the other hand, a Wal-Mart Supercenter (especially the fine Supercenter in Martinsburg, WV where they even have seltzer - a rare find for Wal-Mart) is really the only place in America where there is everything that you need. Beer, prescription drugs, guns, somewhat trendy clothes made of crappy fabric in China, $2.50 DVDs, and all things camoflauge...its all under one roof.

I was reminded of my love-hate feelings this morning when I read a story of a guy who lives in a Wal-Mart for a few days. This real-life story is even better than the crappy Natalie Portman flick where she gives birth in a Wal-Mart (how that didn't ruin her career, I just don't know).